While waiting outside the courtroom I was preparing what I was going to say and I was going over my list and and making sure I had thought of everything and taken as many things into account as possible. I was interested in the best interests of this young child and I wanted to help him.

The bailiff called my wife and I into the courtroom as well as the boys father, it was just us three. I was told by the bailiff that I needed to sit on the back bench and make sure that I didn’t say anything. I requested to sit up front where my wife was sitting, in front of the judge. I was denied.

It came up that a custody arrangement might be able to be settled that same day. So we were all led out of the courtroom and my wife and the boys father were led into a different room to discuss a custody arrangement on their own. I wasn’t allowed inside and had to wait out in the hall.

Why all this? Why wasn’t I allowed to speak or be apart of any of the discussions or decisions? Because I had no legal right to this boy. True, he is living in my home; but I am not his mother or his father. Actually, I am not blood related to him in any way. All of that considered I have to legal right to that boy, nor do I have any say in his upbringing; no matter how much I may care about him, or how much I may want to help.

It’s the same with Salvation. Some people may ask “Why do I need this silly Salvation?” “What kind of ‘good’ God makes you jump through hoops before He helps you?” or “Why can’t God just accept me as I am?”

It’s not that God wants you to jump through hoops, it’s not that God wants you begging him, it’s not that God wants to humiliate you first or to humble you, and it’s not that God can’t accept you for you who are. God can accept you, and God HAS accepted you. he’s just waiting for you to accept Him for who HE is.

To put it simply, God has no legal right over you until you accept Him first. He’s already accepted you, just as you are. Now it’s up to each one of us to accept him. And until we do accept him, His hands are tied. As much as He may want to help you or me (and he does), he just CAN’T until we accept him.

Sometimes we hate it when people give us advice that we didn’t ask for. Sometimes we hate it when people intervene in our lives when we never asked them to. Sometimes we hate it when people try to ‘save us form ourselves’; especially when we never asked them to in the first place.

Oddly enough, God respects our space.

We could be downing in an ocean during a hurricane. And God would be on the side of the boat ready to jump in and save us. But if we keep saying “No, leave me alone.” then he’ll respect our decision and let us drown and die; because it’s what WE wanted.

As much as you may hate God, he is the most respectful person, ever. EVER.

Long story short, God has set up a kind of free adoption plan. Free and simple for anyone who wants to be brought underneath the umbrella of God and give Him legal rights to their life. But anyone who doesn’t want to – then God can’t not touch or intervene in any way; and they’re on their own. Which almost sounds cool until you find out there is a satanic rabid dog loose named Satan who is capable of destroying your life, your relationships, and torturing you with nightmares every night while you sleep.

The only catch is this. God is pure. And as such, a pure being cannot come into contact with anything impure and still retain it’s purity. So as humans, we’re kinda screwed. Until you find out that God purposefully created a loophole, just for us. Now instead of trying to become pure (which is impossible [and if possible, only a headache {migraine} to achieve]).

NOW, all we have to do is recognize that we are not pure and that Jesus Christ was pure (and the Son of God) and that we except His sacrifice (death on the cross) as our payment to be apart of God’s family.

Here’s an analogy: It cost 1 trillion dollars to get into heaven and be apart of God’s family. now you can either spend your days trying to attain that money before you die (and most likely fail), or you can say, “Oh yeah, Jesus Christ said He would take care of that for me, so I’m good to go as long as I accept his invitation and try not to do it on my own.”

I get frustrated when people say “You need to get saved so you can go to heaven when you die.” Heaven is definitely some of God’s plan, but not nearly all of it. Salvation is not just for when you die, it’s for RIGHT NOW. Becoming a part of God’s family so he can help you right away with ever tiny detail that you want help with. Things that everyone else gets bored with hearing you drone on and on about – God loves it. He loves you, and he wants you and your life. He wants to help you, in any and every way possible, in any and every way that you’ll let him. After you accept Him of course, because until then, He can do nothing, no matter how much He may want to. Why? Because he respects your free will and your decisions to reject His help and His love.

As humans we constantly want to DO something, and we even attach our self-worth to what we can or cannot accomplish. I personally want to become an engineer, either mechanical or electrical. I want to build a robot army and take over every ice cream shop in the world. I will have ice cream selling robots.

Other than that, I want to make movies. I want to write books, I want to write stories, and I want to act in movies. I want to learn all the languages on the planet starting with Spanish, then Japanese, then German, then Hebrew, then Latin. The rest will follow. I want to build inventions; all kinds. I continually want to make or create something.

My biggest passion is movies; which is difficult for me. It’s difficult for me to think that I want to excel in the world of pretend. That I want to create something unsubstantial and fictional that will not stand the test of time. Yet increase time by any factor and eventually nothing will stand the test of time; whether you believe in God or not. Whatever man-made structure you build or invent, no matter how fantastic and indestructible it may seem; I doubt it will last more than 900 trillion years (if even comes close).

In the end, no man-made creation will last.

So I have come to an impasse, and I need to make my decision. In what will I invest my time? Will I invest in one of my own ideas? Knowing that no matter how great one of them might be (which none of them are that great at all); it will be a futile endeavor. Or do I invest in God’s ideas, which are forever?

A thought crossed my mind. I have one of two options. I can TRY to make the most amazing movie of all time. The most fantastic story with the most fantastic characters and the most fantastic hero.

Or I can BE the story. A unique and incredible story that everyone will watch on Judgement Day.

I can be in a movie, or I can BE the “movie.”

I can build an invention or a project, or I can BE the project. Surrendering my life and letting God do a work in me and build Himself within me; transforming my life continually and affecting all the lives that I encounter.
The decision is easy, but the steps that follow are difficult. God in his ultimate wisdom and genius wants to include insignificant me (and everyone) into his awesome plan for the ages.

How can I say no?

Whatever I build is less than a sand castle during a hurricane. Whatever God builds is forever.

I want to be a part of God’s ideas, not vice versa.

If I told someone that Santa wasn’t going to bring them any presents this year because he doesn’t think they have been good this year – they would laugh in my face. I would laugh in someone’s face if they told me that.

If someone told me I was going to be re-incarnated as a dung beetle because of my lifestyle, I wouldn’t care at all; because I know it’s not true. Tell someone they are going to be re-incarnated as a slug, and most will shrug it off. Tell someone that if they don’t live for God then they are damning themselves to hell – and they’ll hate you for it. Even if they don’t believe in heaven, hell, or God.

When it comes to God (often referred to as the same idea as a ‘Santa Claus’ by anyone who is opposed to the idea of God) – everyone gets red-hot offended.

WHY??

the amish will be our future kings – scary.

All humanity would just freak out. All those years trying to prove that evolution was true – and it turns out they were right! Hahaha! But not at all how they thought! hahaha!

Yes, I would definitely pee my pants laughing so hard.

Until today, I don’t think I have ever actually been terrorized. I have been panicked, worried, scared, jumpy, frightened, anxiety, and dread – but never filled with uncontrolled terror – until today.

I left the office at 3:30 in the morning to make a run to the other side of the town to get some more supplies at Wal-mart. It had been raining and thundering off and on occasionally throughout the night. I stepped outside. The ground was wet, but it wasn’t raining. I brought the keys in my hand up to the door to lock it up as I left. The sky lit up with a bright shining intensity. I froze. I stared at the ground shuddering from the sky, the world, and everything else. With brightness like that I knew what was coming next. Almost immediately, a shriek of blaring electricity rips and tears through the atmosphere, pounding into my body and eardrums. Although it felt as if it had been only ten feet from me, It had to have been only hundreds of feet from me, very close. The flash of light was over; the awful overwhelming noise was over – but all I could do was stand there, frozen. I could move, I just didn’t want to. I was drained, instantly. I didn’t want to do anything. I had no desire for anything. I just looked at the ground and with a slight cower. I stood there for ten seconds before I decided to actually move again. I locked up the door and got into my car. As I started driving through the town there came an absolute downpour of rain from the sky. All it did was emphasize the display of power that happened only seconds ago. And all I could do was just absorb what had happened, and that was it. All my delusions of security and abilities, all my plans for my future, my desire for anything, my current hunger for food – everything – gone. As I drove through the town I noticed it looked darker than usual, not a single lit window, porch light, or even a street lamp – something on the city grid had been fried – only half of the town was lit up.

Due to my over-whelming stupidity, I am not afraid of much – and I didn’t think it was possible for me to be terrorized by anything. I have mentally trained myself to expect any and all things at any moment – that‘s just part of the weirdness that is me. I spent some of my childhood on various hospital beds expecting to die at any moment. I spent some of last year in Iraq hoping to die at every moment. I have slept in questionable neighborhoods with not only my front door unlocked but wide open. I have slept in the streets, condemned buildings, elevators, parking decks, my car in the middle of the city while the bars were closing, in fighting holes in other countries while terrorists were trying to kill me, etc. I’m not scared of much – and until recently – not terrorized by anything. Especially not storms. I love storms, especially the thunder and lightning part. Tornado weather- I love that, too.

It gave me insight to my trappings of life. In an instant, everything was taken from me. NOTHING mattered. I had no desire for anything at all. And for a short while it all remained gone. All my illusions, delusions, desires, wants, needs, fears, worries – everything – all gone at once.

I knew God was/is big, and almighty, and all-powerful, but it’s far too often that I forget about his intensity. His sheer intensity- of his very presence. If God can create a self-sustaining system that can generate that much power at random on it‘s own, then how much MORE power is locked up within God himself? I felt as if my very skin could have simply been ripped off my bones – effortlessly. It was a good reminder, and I hope I don’t forget it. As foolish as I am human, a lot of the lost illusions, delusions, desires, wants, needs, fears, worries, etc have already returned to me. In part, I am writing this so I don’t forget those ten seconds. Where all I could do was cower and hope Someone wasn’t mad at me.

I am trash and aware of the fact, that I wallow in stupid stuff
I know very well that I can never accomplish enough
I was made from dust, and to dust I shall return
I am only human, what from God can I earn?

My righteousness is as filthy rags
my moral compass? it’s less than that
I am not evil because of what I do or admire
I am evil because of what I desire

but I rejoice, none the less
God has saved me from my mess
He has reached out His saving hand in grace
despite of who I am, despite I’m filled with hate

He saved me from my depravity, I could never save myself
Now, where else can I go or turn? But to God, who loves me above all else.